April Fools Funnery
April Fool
Little bit of fun here! If not for you it was for me researching these stories! In this post are 3 different stories. Two of which are true. Guess which is made up by my very own brain box. I’ll let you know which is the red herring tomorrow…
This Man is Tree-Mendous
A former Indonesian fisherman is “half man half tree”.
32-year-old Dede, who lives in a village in Indonesia with his two children, fears that he will be killed by the tree-like growths that cover his body.
Known locally as ‘Tree Man’ his condition has baffled doctors for years.
He has root like structures growing out of his body – branches that can grow up to 5cm a year and which protrude from his hands and feet, and welts covering his whole body.
In an attempt to earn a living to support his family, he is part of a travelling circus, displaying his Tree Man limbs.
Dede’s story began when wart-like “roots” started growing out of his arms and feet after he cut his knee in a teenage accident. The roots spread rapidly across his body and soon he was not able to carry out ordinary household tasks. Ironically gardening is the pastime he misses the most.
Dede was sacked from his job and deserted by his wife. He has been raising two children (saplings?), now in their late teens, in poverty.
While he has the support of his extended family, he has frequently been a target of ridicule and abuse in rural fishing village where he lives. He is called names such as, “Roots Manuva”, “Levi Roots” and “Wayne Rootey”. The local shops have had to stop selling Root Beer for obvious reasons.
Bratwurst To The Rescue!
A middle aged man is saved from drowning by a German meaty snack – the Bratwurst.
Roger Steadwell, 59, was enjoying walking his dog in the sun when near disaster struck. Whilst walking along the bank of the river Cherwell in Oxford he lost his footing and fell into the water. Steadwell is not a strong swimmer but the most unlikely of heroes saved him.
In his regular journey, Mr Steadwell walks through the town centre. It was here that he went to a sausage stand and ordered a large Bratwurst. He was leaving it to cool when he began his journey alongside the river, something he does on a regular basis. “I try to walk that route maybe 3 or 4 timer per week, depending on the weather.” Roger retorted. “This day was no different. I’m not too sure what happened. All I remember is my left leg slipping away from me and falling into the water, the rest is a blur.”.
Upon entering the water an unlikely minor miracle happened. The Bratwurst was almost buoyant. It floated just enough for the lightweight fifty-nine year old to keep his head above water. After drifting down stream Steadwell was eventually snagged on some branches and pulled to safety by some members of the public.
Life’s a Bitch
A man in India has married his dog.
The groom in question was a 33-year-old Indian farmer named Selvakumar, and he was wed to a female dog named Selvi. He married his four legged bitch in order to even out Karma from when he stoned and strung up 3 dogs 15 years ago. He believed the act cursed him and he had been suffering ever since, he told the Hindu Times.
It was still a pre-arranged wedding however. Family members chose a stray female dog who was then bathed and clothed for the wedding occasion. Selvi the bride was brought to the temple by village women and a Hindu priest conducted the ceremony.
It wasn’t all paradise for the newly-weds however. It was reported that Selvi attempted to make a bolt for it — apparently due to the big day nerves — but she was tracked down and returned to her new husband.
“They’ll have to work at the marriage”, a friend of the groom said. “He’ll have to do a lot of the household chores as Selvi doesn’t seem too keen. This has already caused friction.”
**Update**
As promised I said i’d reveal the fake story today. It would seem that my story-telling skills aren’t too great as everyone I’ve spoken to about it thought correctly… The story made up by myself was the Bratwurst one. Well done if you guessed correctly. Was fun researching and making up stuff so I enjoyed myself at least!
